Night of Follies

This last semester I served my fraternity, Delta Sigma Pi, as the VP of Social Activities. It was an absolute joy to be a part of the executive committee and plan social events for my brothers. My largest responsibility in this position was planning an out of town semi formal event for the chapter and their guests. As a native Austinite, I knew immediately that I wanted to bring the chapter to my lively and unique hometown for the event. We stayed at the Hilton Downtown and went to the hilarious comedy show at Esther's Follies, which inspired the name of the event: A Night of Follies. The semi formal turned out fantastic, and was probably one of the best social events this chapter has ever seen (I may be a bit biased, but I'm just going to say that it's true). It was also the first major event that I planned solely on my own. It was certainly an affirmation in my ability to pull off something relying on simply my own confidence and skills. More than that, it was an excellent learning experience with several snags throughout the process. So for all you other amateur event planners out there, I share with you what I learned along the way in the hopes that you can avoid some of my rookie mistakes. I've also thrown in some pictures from the night just for fun!

Let me tell you, there is no feeling of panic quite like the one you get the first time a vendor cancels on you two weeks out of the event. Now I can think of countless situations that would be much worse (the hotel burns down, the buses drive you off a cliff, the restaurant gets hit by a meteor, etc.) but at the time it felt like the world was ending. However, you've got to reign those mini-meltdowns back in, because I promise you Armageddon will not be the result of flaky vendors. Unfortunately, these things just happen, and since you can't completely avoid them, the best thing to do is just be prepared.

When things like this go wrong, it can be a gut-reaction for many people to try and hide the mistake until everything is all fixed. What others don't know won't hurt them, right? No! Don't do this. It is important to keep your superiors informed. Whether it's your supervisor, team leader or organization president, they need to be aware of any issues that come up. It is okay, however, to take a little time to get organized before speaking with them. Have a plan prepared to lay before them in order to show that you are being proactive and are capable of handling the problem. This gives off a much better impression than just asking in a panic, "What do I do??" When our charter buses canceled on us, I contacted all the companies on Baylor University's approved list that afternoon before calling our president. That way I was able to tell him what I had done to try and solve the issue, and what the next step was if none of those companies were available. When something goes wrong you want your superior to know you are dealing with it, but also let them be there for you to provide extra help if needed.

 

Which brings me to my next point. Do not be afraid to accept help. Letting others aid you is not admitting defeat. The important thing is that the event runs as smooth as possible, and sometimes you just have to enlist a little extra assistance. When you have 83 people sitting on a charter bus parked outside the hotel, the last thing you want to hear is that the room keys have not been scanned yet. However, due to a miscommunication over the payment for incidentals, this is exactly what I had to deal with. I had to stay at the front desk with the room assignments, and thus was extremely grateful for our president when he stepped up to hand out the freshly scanned keys. I knew my brothers and their guests just wanted to get into their rooms, so instead of resenting the need for extra help I was simply thankful I got it. Take pride of the event you produce, but don't be too prideful to seek aid.

Two more quick notes: keep all forms close by and always send a follow-up email. One of these lessons I learned the hard way (ie. charter buses cancelling), while, thankfully, the other I was prepared for. Whether it's on your phone or printed out in a folder, make sure to have copies of all contracts, invoices and receipts with you. Any questions or issues that arise can be resolved that much faster when you know exactly where to find the answer. And it clues the other person in that you know what you're doing! Along with that, do not forget to add the phone numbers of the various vendors to your contact list. When your guests are all standing around in an empty parking lot ten minutes past pick-up time you don't want to be fishing through your emails for the charter bus company's phone number. Lastly, I cannot stress the importance of the follow-up email enough. Don't forget this like I did! No news is not always good news, so make sure to get a written confirmation from everyone.

Just remember, mistakes happen, and no event is without its own little hitches. Hopefully my experiences will help you avoid the same snags I hit, but as long as you keep your cool you can navigate through whatever issues arise. The best part is, with enough preparation, professionalism and efficiency you can handle most problems without your guests ever even noticing.

Anyone else had some rookie event planning mishaps? Comment here or tweet them to me @MJGest to help other amateurs out! And check out these 6 common event planning mistakes for more advice.


Photo Credits: tshirt design courtesy of Hole in the Roof | all the rest courtesy of Esther's Follies and my DSP brothers

Princess Brides

Every woman wants to feel like a princess on her big day, but for some brides the royal treatment isn’t just about feeling special. Your wedding day is perhaps the one time you can really be a princess, and fulfill a dream many women (myself included) have carried over from childhood. Whether you want subtle, regal touches or a full-blown themed ceremony, there are many ideas and concepts you can incorporate to design an elegant fairytale wedding as the perfect start to your happily ever after.

First you have to choose your inspiration. Believe it or not, “princess” covers a pretty wide range, all the way from the elegance and poise of Kate Middleton to the pomp and grandeur of Cinderella to the serenity and whimsy of Thumbelina. You need to know exactly what kind of tone you want to set for your guests or it will be easy to get your vision scrambled. Look to the real royals, like Kate and Diana for a traditional and refined ceremony, to Disney for a more extravagant and modern celebration, or to the classic fairytales for a rustic and vintage event.

Alright brides. As a princess, it’s all about you, so let’s move on to the dress. To get a gown with a regal vibe there are certain details to look for, and definitely some to avoid. You will most likely want a ballgown or A-line style dress; something with a fuller skirt. While mermaid, sheath and trumpet silhouettes can be just as gorgeous, they won’t create quite the same feel you are looking for. You especially want to steer clear of shorter lengths. Princesses don’t show their ankles (at least until the reception, if you want to do it big with two dresses). Lace is good for the classic look, and tulle, silk and satin are better for the fairytale bride. For the more traditional style I also suggest a dress with sleeves.  You do not need to go crazy with the 80s style, puffy, Snow White sleeves (in fact, please don’t), but simple lace or off-the-shoulder sleeves can be stunning.

The accessories are equally as important. A queen is not complete without a tiara, and there are some truly gorgeous tiaras and diamond headbands out there. I especially like the pieces in TheBrideStore’s and EdenLuxeBridal’s Etsy shops. I also suggest lengthy, elegant veil to go with that royal train on your gown. Exact length will of course depend on your dress, but I love chapel or cathedral. Long white gloves make a great regal addition to any strapless dress, and lots of glitz is a must. Stick with traditional designs and classic stones, like diamonds and pearls, but princess jewelry is the perfect excuse to add some extra sparkle.

The venue can be key in bringing out the fairytale theme. Of course the ideal would be to have the ceremony in a castle, but America is typically in short supply of palaces. So unless you are willing to fork out the cash for a European destination wedding, you may have to find a substitute castle. If you want the full princess experience you can have a truly beautiful wedding at Disney Land or Disney World (and they will do all the work for you!). Fortunately, if that is not your style there are plenty of old Victorian-style houses, French provincial inspired estates and restored southern plantations that can provide the perfect setting.

There are several other classy ways to tie in your royal inspirations without making your wedding look like a 5-year-olds birthday party. If having a horse-drawn carriage deliver you to the isle is too much, try these carriage-designed macaroon favors instead. If Snow White is your princess of choice, add some little red apples to your bridal bouquet or have a caramel apple bar for your guests at the reception. For Beauty and the Beast it’s all about the roses, and The Princess Bride has a lot of romantic and quirky elements to incorporate, like the battle of wits or the hilarious clergyman. You can also use some of your favorite quotes from the book or movie on the programs or in frames on the tables. A good general rule is to avoid copying the story or film exactly, but instead use your creativity to incorporate some of the details into what you have envisioned. You don’t want your husband to wear the exact tux from Ariel’s wedding in The Little Mermaid, but a starfish boutonniere and sand-dollar escort cards would make really cute touches.  

The most important thing to remember is your wedding is about you and the love you and your fiancé share, and therefore the ceremony and reception should reflect your own styles and personalities. You may be inspired by a famous royal couple, but this is your time to reign.

For more princess ideas check out this Pinterest board I’ve created, and for more fun take this Which Disney Princess Are You? quiz on BuzzFeed. I got Aurora, tweet me @MJGest and let me know who you get!


Photo credits: hearts TheWoodChicks | dress1 Alfred Angelo | dress2 sortrature | macaroons SplendidSweetShoppe | plate green wedding shoes | apple bouquet DownTheIsle

Stargazing

Normally, I'm an avid fan of lists. If I don't write things down, I tend to forget them, because honestly, I’ve just got too much going on in my head. Grocery lists, to-do lists, lists of possible names for my future children, you name it. But the one list I've never sat down and put together is a bucket list. Of course I've got goals and dreams for my life, but I'd rather keep them in my daydreams than on a piece of paper. I know my own desires, I don't need a list to remind me or inspire me.

If I did have a bucket list, watching a meteor shower would have been on it. I had only seen probably two shooting stars in my whole life, and getting to see a bunch of brilliant meteors in one night just sounded amazing. I've tried to see one in the past, but it always seemed to be at a bad time, or bad weather, or bad whatever. So when I heard a week ago that it was almost time for the Perseids, I was not going to let myself miss it. 

I talked some friends into going with me pretty last minute and we headed out of Waco last night in search of an excluded dirt road somewhere. We piled a bunch of pillows and blankets (and the foam mattress pad from my bed) into the back of the truck and settled in. Let me tell you, that is the way to stargaze. I eventually ended up climbing on to the roof of the truck so that I could see the whole sky, which was much less comfortable, but so worth it because otherwise I would have missed the most awesome shooting star of the night. That sucker was huge and burned red for like three seconds with a giant tail.

And while I was lying there in the dark, waiting for shooting stars and listening to the breeze stir the trees across the road, I couldn’t help but wish I’d had more moments like that this summer. Heck, I wish I’d had more moments like that this past year. It’s so easy to get caught up in the rush and busyness of life. It’s so easy to look at our long to-do lists and just constantly go from one thing to the next. College is supposed to be the time you try new things and “discover yourself,” but I feel like you have to know your major from day one or else you fall behind. And with all the required courses and credits, everyone’s too worn out to explore other subjects, even if they do have room in their schedule. All of college is spent preparing for your career, and all of high school was spent preparing for college, so when are you supposed to venture out and learn about yourself? Middle school? Everyone’s too busy being awkward in middle school to learn or do anything. That’s why it’s important to stop and give yourself a break now. 

When you slow down the craziness, you’ll find that you actually do have the time and energy to take that pottery or philosophy or literature class you’ve always been curious about. You don’t need to stop time, you just need to give your mind and body little breaks to reenergize so that you can do more at the end of the day than just veg on the couch. Because let’s be honest, no one can live that kind of crazy busy life forever. So join the stargazers, book readers and porch-swing sitters. Life’s more fun their way, I promise.


Photo Credits: meteor CBSNews | meteor2 theguardian

Blessing Your Bridesmaids

Picking out meaningful bridesmaids gifts is a great way to let your girls know how glad you are to have them standing by your side. I mean, what better way to show your appreciation than presents, right? But in all seriousness, it’s not always easy to find just the right thing, so here are some ideas to help get you started on that search.

It’s best to do this shopping early. You don’t want to be worrying about finding the perfect set of presents on top of all the other last minute details you’ll be losing sleep over. Plus, the more time you have, the more thought you can put into it. Keep an eye out at your favorite chic boutiques or while you’re putting together the wedding registry, and you may just stumble across the ideal gift. Another plus side to taking care of this early is having the time to get custom-made presents, if that's what you want. Monograms on jewelry or makeup bags add a unique touch, or handmade presents from the busy bride will make your best girls feel even more special and appreciated.

Make sure the present is something your bridesmaids will actually use and enjoy. The natural route is to give a gift that’s wedding specific, like the jewelry they’ll wear for the ceremony. This works great with something classic or simple like pearls, but not as well if the styling for your bridal party is super trendy or different from your bridesmaids’ tastes. In this case, pair the necklaces or earrings with a great jewelry box or travel case and they’ll be sure to get lots of use out it.

While jewelry and toiletry bags often make great gifts, it can also be a lot of fun to stray from the standard presents and get creative with it. Pay for the girls to take a cooking class, or give out gift cards for their favorite restaurant or a local gourmet grocer. I also love the idea of getting each girl a bottle of wine and a new board game. Give me a nice Riesling and Settlers of Catan or Munchkin and I’ll happily be your bridesmaid.

You may currently be wondering how on earth you will ever find a gift that will be equally enjoyed by your adventurous, outdoorsy, hike-a-mountain bridesmaid and your girly sorority sister who gets no closer to sleeping under the stars than glamping. My answer to that question is, don’t! There is no rule that says every girl must receive the same present. Feel free to play off of each individual’s interests or any special memories between you two. If you bonded with one of your maids back in college over your mutual crush on Brad Pitt, get her a collection of his hottest movies. If your MOH loves the arts, buy her a pair of tickets to a musical or play. It may take more time to find a great gift for everyone, but the added personalization will be truly cherished.

If you do decide on different gifts, make sure to spend an equal amount on each girl. They’ve all come to support you for the big day, and you’d never want to hurt one of your best friend’s feelings, even unintentionally. An exception can usually be made for the maid of honor. Since the title comes with added responsibilities and often costs, it’s normal to spend a little more, or even just make the gift unique in some way from the others. As my sister’s maid of honor, I received a makeup bag monogrammed in white instead of black, and I loved that simple gesture and extra thought.

Deciding on that budget can be tricky, but it really just depends on how much you can afford to spend. If other wedding expenses are running higher than expected, you may want to opt for the less pricey, yet more personalized, DIY route. You do also want to consider how much the girls are paying to be a part of the wedding party. By no means do you have to match their expenses, but if they’re required to shell out tons of cash for expensive shoes, a hotel room and a plane ticket, you certainly want to show your appreciation for how much they’ll willing to do for you. If the bridal party’s costs are really high, perhaps the best gift you could give may be to help compensate some of it. You can pay for the girls to have their hair and makeup professionally done the day of, or cover some of the cost of a high-price bridesmaid dress.

The bridesmaid gifts are traditionally given out at the rehearsal dinner. Etiquette dictates the bride makes a toast thanking her best girls for their help and then bestows the tokens of her appreciation. However, many brides are starting to stray from this. Personally, I think it makes more sense to give out the presents during the bridesmaids’ luncheon or while getting ready the morning of the ceremony. Do it when you’re relaxing alone with just your girls so you have the time and space to thank each one individually. If your pre-wedding schedule allows for it, you may want to spend some quality one-on-one time with each girl to give the gift and really let her know how much her friendship means to you.

The point is, have fun with it. Think of it as a way to make some of your best friends smile, and not as just another thing you have to do before you can walk down that aisle. Your bridesmaids will all be super excited to help you celebrate on the big day, and finding a gift they’ll truly love is just one way to show you’re excited for them to be there too.

For more great gift suggestions you can scope out the Pinterest board I’ve put together, and if you’ve got any great ideas for bridesmaids presents tweet me @MJGest.


Photo Credits: bags the knot | robes wanelo | cases Horchow| frames viogemini | dress gather | hair flickr

Split Unions

Traditional roles and rules can get a little muddled when your parents have split. Many brides will have to find the proper way to work around this situation, myself included (when I eventually find the hunky man of my dreams, that is). When my beautiful sister got married this last November, even seemingly simple things, like the wording on the wedding invitation, became a little more complicated. It actually is more complex than you would think. (For official formatting check Bella Figura here). Yet, for many couples invite etiquette is a tiny concern compared to the other problems and questions that may arise when your parents are no longer together.

Stressing over who should walk you down the aisle is no fun, but the decision really might be easier than you think. Traditionally the father fills this role, but you can give the job to whoever you feel has really earned that honor. You can even decide to have two escorts, if both are willing and comfortable enough with the idea. If the whole concept is likely to cause too much stress and drama, just ditch it and march yourself proudly and independently down that aisle.

The same guidelines can be applied to the bridal dances. The father-daughter dance can be shared with your dad, step-dad, or even split between both. The parents dance also has the potential to create a lot of discomfort if one or both of your parents remain single. If this is the case, it’s probably better to forgo the custom all together rather than leave someone standing awkwardly off to the side without a partner. This isn’t a middle school dance after all.

With both traditions it’s important to communicate your decision openly and early with all involved parents. You don’t want unmet expectations to lead to disappointment or anger, so be candid with your family. When in doubt, it’s best to include. You may feel your step-dad truly deserves the dance, but if this decision will hurt your father’s feelings it’s probably going to be worth it to dance with both. It may take more effort on your part to involve everyone, but honoring those you care about is an important part of the wedding celebration.

Another common problem is how to handle your parents’ plus ones. Whether or not you like your dad’s girlfriend unfortunately doesn’t have much influence on her invite. Although you may not want someone you aren’t particularly fond of or barely even know sitting in the first few rows at your ceremony, this may be one area that you just have to concede. If your parents need the emotional support of a date to be able to face each other, honor that. Make sure to keep your parents informed on who is included on the guest lists in case they need some time to mentally prepare to see former in-laws.

Things are on a whole new level if your parents are openly hostile towards each other. Hopefully they can handle civilly ignoring each other for four hours, but some brides will have to deal with arguments and threats. It’s hard, but you have to be firm. Caving to your parents’ unjust demands will only lead to more pressure from both sides. If a parent threatens to skip the wedding they’re most likely just bullying you to get what they want. Instead of giving in, make it clear you’re trying to be fair to everyone, and that even though their decision to miss makes you very sad, it’s their choice.

It’s also super important to keep your vendors informed. The last thing you want is for an unknowing photographer to push together feuding parents for a picture. Discuss photo groupings, seating arrangements and bridal dances ahead of time with your team so they can help you avoid any awkward or tense situations. You may even want to ask vendors if they have experience with similar situations before hiring them. They’ll often have creative solutions for disarming any explosive incidents.

Accommodating both sides of your family can be a challenge, but having everyone you love there to celebrate will make the day so much more special. Hopefully your family already knows this is not the time to stir up drama, but if your parents do butt heads, you should know it’s because they love you. You’re parents are jealous for your love and don’t want to share, which is really sort of sweet, in an aggravating kind of way. So just remember that when the bickering makes you want to pull your hair out and perhaps it won’t seem so bad after all.
 
If you have any other concerns or questions on this topic you'd like us to answer, let me know here or tweet @MJGest and I'll see what I can find!


Originally posted here at Blue Goose Celebrations

Photo Credit: dads donna gustin photography | dance Heidi Vail Photography | aisle walk Green Bride Guide | parents IMDB

No More Cheesy Love Songs

There are several different ways to provide music and entertainment for your wedding guests, each with their own pros and cons. If you decide to forgo the band or professional DJ route, crafting your own wedding playlist is a creative alternative and a great way to put your own individual touch on the music. However, I know the prospect of accumulating several hours’ worth of just the right music sounds like a nightmare, so in order to minimize this mammoth task I’ve compiled a base list of song suggestions to get you going. These songs are just a starting point, but the following tips will help you fill in the rest of your wedding soundtrack with ease.

Personalize it. Add songs that fit in with your taste or the theme of the wedding. If you’re a country kind of gal getting married in your cowboy boots, add in all kinds of sweet country love songs. For a rock and roll themed wedding you’ll want to add songs like "Layla" by Derek & The Dominos or "Anytime" by Journey. And that silly, upbeat song you and your bridesmaids always danced to in college makes the perfect addition to the dance floor playlist (in fact, "Call Me Maybe" just might resurface at my wedding sometime down the road).

Keep it familiar. You and your future husband may love Mongolian throat singing, but your guests may not share your same eclectic tastes in music. While it is your big day, you want to use the wedding playlist to set a comfortable and happy mood for friends and family. This isn’t to say that every song needs to be cookie-cutter mainstream, but it can’t hurt to mix some well-known songs in with your favorite indie bands.

Cater to all your guests. It’s important to include current and classic hits to meet the liking of the range of friends and family in attendance. I will admit that the playlist I’ve accumulated is skewed more towards a younger generation, but I’m 21, so I’ve tried my best. Your older guests will probably ditch the dance floor long before you and your buds, so the tail end of your playlist can be comprised of nothing but your favorite club mixes if you get tired of the golden oldies. Also make sure to check the lyrics. Your flower girl probably won’t catch the hidden meaning behind "Whistle Song" by Flo Rida, but her mom may not appreciate her baby girl being exposed to such scandalous implications.

Ask for help. We all have that one friend who’s attending a different wedding practically every single weekend, and they’re bound to know at least a few good songs to play during the reception or ceremony. Or any of your recently married friends can be a goldmine of song suggestions, especially if they put together a wedding playlist for themselves. Your friends will be more than willing to provide such a small favor for your big day.

Get the technology. Obviously you’ll need to get speakers set up to project the music to all corners of your venue, but that should be a given. What I really want to point out is the MyWeddingDJ app. A great professional DJ does a lot more than just plug in his equipment and press play, and this app helps pick up some of the slack without one. The MyWeddingDJ app lets you divide the playlist into all the different parts of the ceremony and reception, and will even eliminate any silent pauses between songs. It’s not free, but $5 is bound to fit in any budget.

No Boys Aloud
Here’s a collection of fun and upbeat songs that are sure to fight off the pre-wedding jitters and keep the atmosphere light and excited while getting ready for the ceremony.

Ever Ever After - Carrie Underwood
I Do - Colbie Callait
Marry You - Bruno Mars
Wouldn’t It Be Nice - Beach Boys
Glamorous - Fergie
Love Story - Taylor Swift
Our Song - Taylor Swift
Crazy In Love - Beyoncé
Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
Fallin’ For You - Colbie Callait
Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen
Hey, Soul Sister - Train
Home - Phillip Phillips
Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond (or try the version by the Glee Cast)
You’re the One that I Want - from Grease

Slow and Sweet
These loves songs are perfect for walking down the aisle towards your teary-eyed fiancé or for holding each other close during the first dance.

Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop - Landon Pigg
Turn To You - Michael Johns
Home - Gabrielle Aplin
This - Ed Sheeran
Can’t Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley (or Ingrid Michaelson or Jess Kellner)
A Thousand Years - Christina Perri (or Boyce Avenue, Gardiner Sisters, or Elise Lieberth)
Real Love - Regina Spektor
Dream - Priscilla Ahn
Marry Me - Train
Reasons to Love You - Meiko
Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne
Turning Page - Sleeping At Last
Sparks - Coldplay
First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
Like A Star - Corinne Bailey Rae
We Found Each Other in the Dark - City and Colour
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
Heart on Fire - Jonathan Clay
I Won’t Give Up - Jason Mraz
Love Uncompromised - Jason Castro
You Make It Real - James Morrison

Avoid Awkward Silences
Those in-between moments like before the ceremony or during dinner need background music too in order to fill in the downtime and keep the mood going.

Sweet Thing - Van Morrison
Blue Sky - The Allman Brothers Band
You Make My Dreams Come True - Hall & Oats
You and I - Ingrid Michaelson
Corner of Your Heart - Ingrid Michaelson
Precious Love - James Morrison
Kiss Me Slowly - Parachute
Stuck on You - Meiko
Lovesong - Adele
Here is a Heart - Jenny Owens Young
What I Wouldn’t Do - A Fine Frenzy
We Belong Together - Randy Newman
Hysteric (acoustic) - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Flowers In Your Hair - The Lumineers
Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips

Celebrate All Night
Most of the songs traditionally considered as wedding dance music are bad and cheesy, so I’ve concluded that the best way to keep your friends and family partying all night is to play current hits with a good beat. Your guests will feel more comfortable dancing like a fool to songs they are familiar with anyway. This part of the playlist will certainly have to be updated the farther away your wedding date.

The Other Side - Jason Derulo
The Way - Ariana Grande
I Need Your Love - Calvin Harris
A Little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got) - from The Great Gatsby
#thatPOWER - will.i.am
Finally Found You - Enrique Iglesias
Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti
Feel This Moment - Pitbull
Single Ladies - Beyoncé

Party dances are also a fun way to get your shyer guests or those less naturally blessed with rhythm out on the floor. Here’s a list of several songs, both current hits and the classics. (Just make sure to have the clean versions!)

Wop - J. Dash
Gangham Style - Psy
Teach Me How to Dougie - Cali Swag District
Cupid Shuffle - Cupid
Cha Cha Slide - Mr. C
The Twist - Chubby Checker
Shout - The Isley Brothers
Wobble - V.I.C.

Hopefully these suggestions will get you started in the right direction and help take the job of planning your wedding down from a category 5 to a mere tropical storm. You can find all these songs and more here in a Spotify playlist I’ve assembled for your listening pleasure, and if you've got any great song ideas, let me hear them! Tweet them to me @MJGest and I'll add your tunes to the playlist!


Originally posted here for Blue Goose Celebrations

Forging New Families

A wedding day is a full of traditions: the white dress, the walk down the aisle, the first dance. However, all the rituals and rules of a typical wedding can seem intimidating or irrelevant to not-so-traditional couples. When one of you already has children, it can be hard to find the proper place for them in the more conventional etiquette books. Yet, you still wish the ceremony to show that your marriage is not just a commitment to your new spouse, but their children as well. Fortunately wedding customs have begun to adapt to the different family dynamics we see today, and there are quite a few sweet ways to honor the blending of your families.

Of course the most traditional options are the positions of flower girl and ring bearer, which also seem to be the best choice for younger children. There’s no sense in making a big show of devotion and affection if it’s just going to go be over the toddler’s head. The point is to make the little nugget feel included and loved, not to prove to your guests that you'll be a five-star step-parent. Pre-teens and teenagers can also be included in the bridal party as junior bridesmaids or groomsmen.

In the case of older children however you may want to do something more personal. A recent trend gaining traction is for couples to make vows not only to each other, but to the children as well. Promises to be a loving and supportive parent and guide are standard, but what exactly is said should be genuine words of your own. The vows can be structured in a number of ways, just like marital vows. If you need help, ask your officiant as they may have a general outline or process they’ve used in the past, or check these officiant scripts from Offbeat Bride.

There are a couple of other fun things you can pair with the vows. One idea is to parallel the exchanging of rings by providing jewelry or some other trinket for the child. Try to find something they'll love today and can continue to love as they grown older. This special gift serves as a physical reminder to them of your commitment as a step-parent. In addition, the child may recite a few vows of their own. Now you may be picturing the scene from Despicable Me 2 when (spoiler alert!) precious little Agnes hops up on the table during the reception to recite a poem for her new mommy, and no doubt you’d love to have a sweet moment like that on your special day. However, this should only be done at the child’s own choosing. Pressuring kids into something they feel uncomfortable with will only lead to resentment and lots of slamming doors in the teenage years.

Unity ceremonies are another great way to express your two families becoming one, and there are a variety of different alternatives. You could adapt the unity candle tradition to include your children, or do something similar with a vase of flowers. Sand ceremonies also follow the same pattern and provide a memento that can be displayed in your home as a symbol of your new family. I personally love the idea of mimicking this ritual with a glitter ceremony, but that’s just my affinity for sparkle. Another cute option is to make a family certificate for each of you to sign or stamp your thumbprint. Like I said, there are many different options so feel free to get creative with it.

Before you settle on any of these ideas for a blended family ceremony, stop and think what the child will want. Or better yet, ask them. More introverted kids may not like having all the attention focused on them. In this situation you may want to consider something more intimate for after the wedding with just your family to let the child know you care. Another alternative is to include them in some of the wedding planning. Nothing major (you wouldn’t want a seven-year-old contacting caterers), but little things like letting your son contribute to the DJ playlist or giving your future husband’s daughter input on her flower girl dress. These are simple ways to let them know they are important to you and to the wedding.

This situation is especially delicate when the relationship is not as comfortable as you would like. A public proclamation of parental love is not the way to draw you two closer together when things are already rocky. I suggest offering the kid a smaller, yet special job and giving them the choice to say no. Make it clear the role is important and you hope they will accept, but don’t place pressure on them to comply just to please you. If there is tension in the relationship, working things out for the long term is far more important than looking like a happy family just for the wedding.

These are just some of the many ways to celebrate the joining of your families. The more personalized you make it the better, so just choose whatever feels right and will help your new family get off to a great start. Keeping communication open with the children is the most important part. As long as you keep their wishes in consideration, your ceremony is sure to be memorable and meaningful to all. And please, whatever you do, don't do something like this.

 
Originally posted here at Blue Goose Celebrations

Photo Credits: junior bridesmaid focusphotoTahoe | toddlers Simply Savannah Events | family Karen Ard Photography | sand Outer Banks | candle First Comes Love