Not Your Grandma's Etiquette

It may seem like planning a wedding should be all smiles, flowers and fluff, but there’s a rather hefty rule book that accompanies the process. While wedding etiquette is a little more relaxed than it used to be, there are still plenty of guidelines to follow to keep everything sounding tactful and running smoothly. Stiff tradition may not be your style, but even unconventional brides can hit a manners bump or two along the way. The sheer volume of wedding books, blogs and websites makes researching etiquette a daunting task, so I’ve braved the masses of your behalf to bring you the key tips for avoiding a few of the most common wedding blunders.

Gifts and registries seem to lead to the most breaches in decorum. You may feel icky telling people where to shop and what to buy, but this information truly is helpful to your guests. Where most brides go wrong is in communicating the registry information. The bottom line best place to put this information is on your shower invites, which your hostess will know to do. You should never mention gifts on the wedding invitation at all. Your wedding day is solely about celebrating your new marriage, and the invitation should reflect that. Traditionally, word of mouth is the proper way to pass on the info, but for those of you not stuck in the middle ages, a wedding website is the best method for circulating these details.

The rules change a little bit when you decide to forgo gifts. Experts have concluded that it’s rude to insist guests don’t bring a present, as this implies you would have expected one first place. Now this may sound off to you, because it sounds a little off to me, but the etiquette gods have deemed it so. The best explanation I found was that placing any emphasis on not having gifts is still placing emphasis on gifts, which clearly isn’t the message you’re trying to get across. Again, it’s best to communicate this through the wedding website or word of mouth. The same rules apply when you encourage charity contributions in lieu of presents.

Another place brides commonly commit etiquette errors is the guest list. You will most likely have uninvited plus ones added to RSVP cards. This can be really frustrating and awkward to deal with, but this is not the time to unleash bridezilla. Instead, assume it’s simply a misunderstanding. Give your guest the benefit of the doubt instead of concluding they merely ignored your wishes. Whether it’s true or not, it will be easier to handle the situation graciously instead of passive-aggressively. Then just call and politely explain that you’re keeping the reception intimate or that your budget can’t support additions. It may feel uncomfortable, but get it out of the way as soon as possible. You’ll only make things worse by waiting until after the extra guest has already bought a new dress and booked a hotel room.

Follow the same steps with weddings sans children. Another good idea is to provide childcare, if your budget allows it, or at least suggest a few trusted local babysitters. This would be especially helpful for guests that have to travel for your wedding so they won’t have to be without their little nuggets for the whole weekend. Also, avoid making exceptions unless under extremely special circumstances, as this would be unfair to those that did abide by your wishes.

Something that’s become more of a problem in recent years is the broadcasting of your wedding business over social media. It’s okay to post the occasional excited facebook status about cake tasting or how fun your shower was, but a daily countdown tweet is wholly unnecessary. No one, not even your mom, needs or wants hourly updates. You also run the risk of hurting the feelings of anyone not invited by continually rubbing your wedding in their face. However, I will say that giving your awesome vendors a quick plug on social media is a great way to say thanks for all the work they've put into your special day.

This can also create some headaches when getting engaged. It’s an extremely exciting moment, and you may want nothing more than to share it with the whole world, but there are certainly people that deserve to personally hear it from you first. If the boyfriend plans a surprise engagement party when he pops the question, make sure you kindly ask the attending friends to hold off on Twitter and Instagram for a couple days to give you time to call other friends and family.

Of course, every wedding and every bride is different, so the specific rules you choose to follow are up to you. Your college buddies probably couldn’t care less if you skip out on the bouquet toss, but disaster might strike if you accidentally affront your great aunt Shirley by not sending a hand-written thank you note. The point of following etiquette is to make everyone involved feel valued and appreciated, so just use your best judgment on what will respect your loved ones most. When in doubt, consult the queen of all things domestic, Martha Stewart.

For some etiquette entertainment, check out Etiquette Hell, which features some great stories about truly ridiculous decorum lapses. And please, if you have any funny or absurd etiquette stories I’d love to hear them!


Originally posted here at Blue Goose Celebrations.

Photo Credits: invitation DesignsWithStyle | top table Wed Savvy | bottom table Louisville Wedding Blog | RSVP card 1 SayaBellDesigns | RSVP card 2 ThePaperFairie | cake topper Put It Out There