Stressing over who should walk you down the aisle is no fun, but the decision really might be easier than you think. Traditionally the father fills this role, but you can give the job to whoever you feel has really earned that honor. You can even decide to have two escorts, if both are willing and comfortable enough with the idea. If the whole concept is likely to cause too much stress and drama, just ditch it and march yourself proudly and independently down that aisle.
The same guidelines can be applied to the bridal dances. The father-daughter dance can be shared with your dad, step-dad, or even split between both. The parents dance also has the potential to create a lot of discomfort if one or both of your parents remain single. If this is the case, it’s probably better to forgo the custom all together rather than leave someone standing awkwardly off to the side without a partner. This isn’t a middle school dance after all.
With both traditions it’s important to communicate your decision openly and early with all involved parents. You don’t want unmet expectations to lead to disappointment or anger, so be candid with your family. When in doubt, it’s best to include. You may feel your step-dad truly deserves the dance, but if this decision will hurt your father’s feelings it’s probably going to be worth it to dance with both. It may take more effort on your part to involve everyone, but honoring those you care about is an important part of the wedding celebration.
Another common problem is how to handle your parents’ plus ones. Whether or not you like your dad’s girlfriend unfortunately doesn’t have much influence on her invite. Although you may not want someone you aren’t particularly fond of or barely even know sitting in the first few rows at your ceremony, this may be one area that you just have to concede. If your parents need the emotional support of a date to be able to face each other, honor that. Make sure to keep your parents informed on who is included on the guest lists in case they need some time to mentally prepare to see former in-laws.
Things are on a whole new level if your parents are openly hostile towards each other. Hopefully they can handle civilly ignoring each other for four hours, but some brides will have to deal with arguments and threats. It’s hard, but you have to be firm. Caving to your parents’ unjust demands will only lead to more pressure from both sides. If a parent threatens to skip the wedding they’re most likely just bullying you to get what they want. Instead of giving in, make it clear you’re trying to be fair to everyone, and that even though their decision to miss makes you very sad, it’s their choice.
It’s also super important to keep your vendors informed. The last thing you want is for an unknowing photographer to push together feuding parents for a picture. Discuss photo groupings, seating arrangements and bridal dances ahead of time with your team so they can help you avoid any awkward or tense situations. You may even want to ask vendors if they have experience with similar situations before hiring them. They’ll often have creative solutions for disarming any explosive incidents.
Accommodating both sides of your family can be a challenge, but having everyone you love there to celebrate will make the day so much more special. Hopefully your family already knows this is not the time to stir up drama, but if your parents do butt heads, you should know it’s because they love you. You’re parents are jealous for your love and don’t want to share, which is really sort of sweet, in an aggravating kind of way. So just remember that when the bickering makes you want to pull your hair out and perhaps it won’t seem so bad after all.
If you have any other concerns or questions on this topic you'd like us to answer, let me know here or tweet @MJGest and I'll see what I can find!
Originally posted here at Blue Goose Celebrations
Photo Credit: dads donna gustin photography | dance Heidi Vail Photography | aisle walk Green Bride Guide | parents IMDB
